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Memorial day blog

I hold onto the moments. Like some sort of magic, I think I might loose. I get lost in

them sometimes, and I think I’m learning that’s okay. Because, at least once a day, I

get to talk to you. All of you. I get to laugh at your jokes and tell you how stupid you

are. I get to wish secretly that I were as badass as you. I get to watch and learn from

you. I get to shake my head at how ridiculous what you just did was. I get to be mad

at you all over again, and then wish later calm had prevailed. I get to walk with you

to the chow hall, and talk to you about boxing and lifting. I get to remember getting

killed by you, and being pissed that it was too early in the fucking morning to die in

Yakima. I get to sit outside and bullshit by a fire we shouldn’t have, but we are too

tired and complacent to give a shit. I get to remember fighting to stay together, and

only realizing too late that there would never be a distance that would matter.

I get remember you died taking the place of the guy to your right and your left. I get

to remember that you were in the arms of your brothers when you died, and that

you would have liked that. I get to remember that you always led that way, and even

though you didn’t want to be there, you gave your life for your men. I get to

remember that your pain is gone now, and you died in a place that you dreamt about

years before I ever I got to see you there.

I remember, and I let myself live there once a day. And while it is easier these days,

it can be harder to pull myself out of certain moments; when I can’t remember

which channel I’m supposed to be watching. It’s all kinda fuzzy. Black and white,

with splashes of color scrolling, and flashing between different shows. A bad signal,

that needs to be tuned in, that I just can’t focus in on enough to make it happen. A

slap to the side of the box, or a quick adjustment to the rabbit years wrapped in in

crumpled tin foil, can do the trick sometimes. Other times, no matter what I do I

can’t get it to focus until I sit back and let it scroll through and adjust on its own. I do

that more these days it seems. I guess that’s okay to do.

At least once a day, you deserve more, but that is all I have to give you.

Cheers, Bruv, hope you think I earned this Memorial Day.
  • May 29, 2017
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